Tuesday 18 October 2011

Wobbly bits

I used to love my granny's skin.  She was the softest person I've ever met.  And she had very wobbly arms that I loved to play with.  I don't have the same warm feeling when I see my arms move that way!

In fact, I have noticed that I have grown quite jelly-like over this winter.  It was those damned doughnuts at the coffee counter outside Woolworths!  I am tempted (in the spirit of this blog) to take some pictures of me in my knickers and show you what I look like at the moment.  I think most of you would either gasp or shriek!  But I think my son would simply fall to pieces if he knew that people could see me with skant clothing on on the internet.  So we'll keep the picture for when I look a little less flacid! 

So how do I deal with this post-winter-stress-disorder.

I've joined the gym. 

I currently weigh in at a chunky 78kgs, which 9kgs heavier than this time last year (which was when I had the kidney stone and did the fast).  I'm not big on scales.  I developed an allergy to them when I was in my teens, and my peers were comparing notes in kilograms.  The numerous diets and weight loss programs that I was encouraged/forced to engage with really spiked my reaction to them, so they have been avoided where ever possible.

But I cannot dispute that they are a good gauge for someone like me who enjoys the ostrich approach to the creeping weight syndrome.  I generally ingore all the symptoms, the following indicators being the most telling.  We have "the pants must be loosened after dinner","the bra strap stopping blood flow to the arms", and my all time favourite "the belt has shrunk!"


So gym it is.  I'll track and share my progress.

I have decided to view my extra padding as more of a fun project than a teeth gnashing excercise this time. 

I now imagine this body without a shock wave reaction when I move!

Thursday 13 October 2011

When are we successful?

I am intrigued by success stories, rags to riches, sickness to health, born in a trailer park, becomes a multi-millionaire.... and all that jazz.

And there is no better way of evaluating self success than running one's own business.  This activity has made me question many things.  What is the goal, what is the aim?  When am I successful?  How is the business preceived by others?  Do people see me as an expert in my field?  Does any of this matter?  And so it goes on.

I have recently ditched it all for a much more interesting and fun perspective.  How little time can I spend on the business and still maintain a handle on how well it is run and keep the standard of the product up to scratch.


I was taught from a young age that working hard is one of the finest attributes, first at the office, last to leave.  Sacrifice your family life and you will be rewarded.  So I swallowed and took it for 20 years as I accepted my 15 days leave per annum, worked as hard as I could every day, often working late into the night, with not much of a mission except to show the people around me that I was a hard worker.


What a bunch of bollox!

It is amazing how the words in a book can change one's perception, and two books have done that for me this year, namely the E-Myth by Michael Gerber and The Four Hour Work Week by Timothy Ferris.

I have been duped.  From now on if it doesn't bring me pleasure or make me money, I'm either not doing it, or I'll out source it!

Outsourcing is the most fabulously obvious way for us to have more time to do the things we want to do.  Let me set the record straight right here. I'm not encouraging anyone to become a lazy arsed slacker, just the opposite in fact.  All I'm suggesting is "Why do the things you don't enjoy when you can pay someone to do them who does enjoy it"?

Take spreadsheets for example.  Not my thing, but I have a crack squad of spreadsheet developers on board with me.  We all meet once a week, I give the brief and the team makes it happen.  I get to use that time to write my blog and create delicious recipes.  My team gets to eat beautiful food when they are here, we test new recipes on their taste buds. Win win.  In only a few hours I have the sexiest buying, packing and recipe sheets, all my quantities and pricing are sorted and worked out.  Outsourcing.  My new favourite word.


So now I measure my success in how much time I have to dedicate to other interesting things in my life, not on how many hours I'm burning the midnight oil!  And I am so done telling everyone how hard I work and how tough it is.  No.  People, I only work a few hours a week, I check my mail once a day and don't expect a call back within the hour.

Tuesday 4 October 2011

Hg free

I have often wondered whether we ever truly heal.  There is always some kind of scar.  It can be big and lumpy, or small and dicreet, but there nonetheless. Once a part of ourselves is scarred, can we ever reclaim it?  It becomes more of an issue of management.

This was highlighted to me over the past few weeks.  I have been having some dental work done, mercury out, some other white stuff in. 

There is something about the memory of physical pain that floors me.  Takes me straight back to the original event.  And dental work is right up there with my most painful experiences.

When I was about six, I had a rough dentist who hurt me, so I bit him and then refused to open my mouth.  The result was a hiding and a threat about "open my mouth or else".  So, new dentist, trying to inject me (how enormous is that syringe? was it designed like that on purpose?) and then the glass vile exploding in my mouth, the anesthetic dripping down my throat, I can hardly breath, the glass is sucked up, .... I must lie still or else... and so a very terrifying experience is imprinted onto my small being. 

Now some years later, I find out that I have a mouth full of mercury which should be removed as it is probably leeching into my brain and causing some of the dementia I am prone to.

So basically, I have to go through the same god-awful experience again, just because some genius decided that the mouth was an intelligent place to store the planet's supply of mercury.

After three years of back peddling and excuses, I made an appointment to see a dentist.  First appointment, always a breeze, all they do is have a look.  Five fillings, all leeching.  Fucking beautiful.

It must be hard to be a dentist.  No-one really wants to see you.  You are probably the least loved of all in the medical profession.  So if anyone out there is terrified, go and check out Dr Mo Karodia. 

He is a small unassuming man with a gentle voice and a sweet face.  This is a good start.  I like him at first sight.  He chats about this and that, taking your focus away from those dreadful pointy things that cause the nightmares. 

He talks of his parents from Persia and his desire to change dentistry to less more careful decisions around drilling and extractions.  He does not perform root canals.  Hey I'm liking the guy.  He can probably see from my uncontrolable convulsions that I am fairly nervous.  I puts his hand on my shoulder and speaks soothingly.  His nurse also helps by holding my hand as he administers the anesthetic.  And my rock, Noel, is there too, supporting me as always through my tough times.

The first session was full on.  I regressed onto the small six year old in the chair, uncontrollable sobbing, body jolts and spasms through most of the session.  I had the aid of an iPod to try and drown out the sound of drilling and coax me into a more relaxed state.  The glasses and oxygen all help.  I could hardly see or hear anything, just the vibrations of the drill keep me twitching...

After the third session, I feel as though I have dealt with some major past trauma.  Dr Mo is a really good dentist and I feel comfortable sitting in that chair, knowing that he will take good care of me not inflict unnecessary pain. 

Yet I still remember the feeling of lying in that chair all those years ago, and waiting for the pain to come.  I remember the feeling of being totally helpless, that the big people told me that this was going to be for my own good.  How I have carried that fear with me all these years.  A deep scar in my being.

Thursday 30 June 2011

Fabulous fasting

I have just completed my second juice fast.

It was a completely different experience to my first.  I had some interesting observations which I will share with you.

I didn't experience any obvious "spiritual revelations" during my first fast.  I was ill then.  I was seldom hungry and we went away for the second half of the fast.

This time round, I simply felt like I needed calibrating.

The first two days were a breeze.  No hunger at all, no detox symptoms, I felt really good.  Day three was another story.  My hunger kicked in at lunch time and snarled at me until I went to sleep that evening.

And sleep didn't come easily.  I discovered that fasting is very stimulating.  If any one has any trouble keeping their eyes open, stop eating for a few days and see what happens.  Millions of people out there must pay a fortune for medication to keep them hyped up.... just stop eating!

I began to think about the millions of people on our planet who do not have access to food or water (and certainly not delicious organic green vegetable juices made from a hi-tec juicing machine), who are hungry constantly, who really don't know when they will eat again, starvation.  I felt incredibly humbled and grateful in that moment for conciously choosing to stop eating for a very short time.  It made the hunger easier to deal with.  I felt very connected to another type of human experience.

On the seventh day, I drank water only.  Also, a lovely gentle experience on the day, I didn't have any hunger at all.  That evening though I think the candida realised what was going on and decided to protest!  It does this by sending reminders of sugary cream buns to your brain.  We think it's us craving something because we are daft enough to believe we are running the show.  NOT. 

I learned something interesting from my dear friend Peter Daniels at a fantastic talk on "Cleansing the body" last night.  There are more organisms of bacteria in your body than there are cells in your body.  So if those guys live on sugar and alcohol, and we stop feeding them, they freak out, just like anything else that stops being fed.  Have you ever heard a baby scream when it's hungry?  Same thing!


If I did not have some rather strenuous work committments on this week I would have taken the water fast further, because it felt like I was getting into some really good stuff.  

I first read about fasting about four years ago.  Everything about it resonated with me then, and I am delighted to have actually stepped into the experience because it is everything and more that I expected it to be.  Calm, clear, light, focussed, highly energised, more comfortable in my pants, a sense of wellness, gratitude and zero mentrual pain this week.  And more gratitude.  For the abundance that I have. 





A bloke came to my window on Tuesday evening and told me he was hungry. He needed two hands for all the change!

I am so committed to this modality of healing that I plan to include fasting into my weekly, monthly, quarterly and annual body planning along side our company strategic planning.  I found an excellent site called allaboutfasting.com, which has given me much to ponder over and rejoice about.

And did I mention gratitude?  For having decided to fast in the first place!  If you are thinking about it, just do it.  You will never look back!

Saturday 28 May 2011

Let there be chocolate

One of the things that I enjoy the most about hanging out with raw food enthusiasts is their ability to throw a feast.

If anyone thinks that this lifestyle has anything to do with deprivation, think again.  You should have seen what I ate this evening.

Craig and Vannesa are colourful, wonderful friends.  They make fabulous music.  And they make really great food.

I have just returned from a Raw Chocolate Feast.  I'm pretty stuffed so this entry will be short.

I'm also fairly wired, so I may ramble....

Chocolate tacos with guacomole and salsa, florentines, hot chocolate, chocolate pizzas (how could we not take up the challenge???), hand crafted rose flavoured chocolates, tahini nibs, chocolate date and coconut balls... it just didn't stop coming.

The evening included a beautiful guided meditation by Vanessa whose voice will take anyone to another planet, focussing on the love and healing energy that cacao brings.

Deprivation.  Not a chance.  And we celebrate in all we eat!

Thursday 19 May 2011

Nothing tastes as good as thin feels

I used to be fat.  At three different times in my life.

I was reminded of this last week when a friend asked me to send her some pictures of myself when I was overweight.  Keeping pictures of myself when I had three chins....no.  But I found a few with some help from my friends.  Hahaha, they were the pictures that were stashed away, only to be brought out on my command and when I needed a good laugh.

Any of you out there who are/have been fat will know that there are certain things that we do to avoid the truth about our size.

Don't look in the mirror.  If you don't see it, it can't be true.

Don't go clothes shopping.  If you do, always buy clothes that stretch around the middle so that they always fit, no matter what.  And do you ever find a comfortable bra?

"It doesn't count as a meal because I ate it in the car".  Therefore the car is a place where much food is consumed.  This doubles up as a good strategy, as no-one else can see how much I am eating...

I haven't eaten a thing....this actaully means, the two doughnuts I ate in the mall don't count because I wasn't sitting down.  And no-one saw me!

Excercise is what I did between meals.  It happened seldom.

We lie constantly to ourselves and those around us about why diets don't work and why we simply cannot shed those stubborn kilos.


My heaviest weight was 89 kgs.  I weighed this when I lived in Johannesburg.  I was 26, and probably the unhappiest I have ever been.

When I look back at the times when I was the most lonely, unhappy and disconnected from myself I was fat or overweight.  No doubt about it.

So what comes first?

I don't have the answer to that, but what I can say for sure is that if you are stuck in a fat body and you are unhappy, make a plan to loose weight and you will regain some happiness.  It may sound superficial, but that has been my experience.

My very wise sister Michelle once told me "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!" I didn't get it until I had lost weight.  It seems like we store unhappy memories in our fat cells.  The fatter we get, the more unhappy we feel. 

This ties in again with my body chemistry argument.  I'll have to check this out with Carol, but can you be alkaline and fat at the same time?

I'll get back to you  on that.

Friday 29 April 2011

The only way is up!

I have fallen off the coffee wagon.  Thankfully the experience was so hideous that I lept straight back on without touching the road!

Back from an Easter celebration, good vibes and happy feelings, surrounded by colourful people and great friends.  My Tuesday morning mission....go to the city of Cape Town council offices to sort out an account issue.

I skipped into the building still blissed out.  The traffic was light, not many people in the building, all the right signs for a swift experience.  I walked straight up to the counter, the lady looked at my paper, shook her head and pointed to another counter.

The queue was so long that it snaked back upon itself three times.


Now I don't understand what happens in my brain when I see a queue that long, but I am now quite certain that there is a gland somewhere which secretes something, making all rational thought impossible.

If anyone said to me "When would be the worst time ever to drink coffee, turn you into she bitch from hell and make the lives of everyone around you a sheer misery?" I would respond by saying "Sorting out an account with a lacklustre person who sits behind a sheet of bullet proof glass".

The next thing I knew I sitting in this queue with a coffee in one hand and a newspaper in the other.

I should have walked away when the lady next to me revealed that she had flown from Johannesburg to see this department about an electricity bill that remained unresolved for almost eight months. 

I won't go into the detail of my shocking behaviour, but there was a swear word involved. 

I watched myself plummet into a septic, sulky, moody cow which lasted the whole day.  As usual, I finished off with two sandwiches and a cornish pasty.  All my basic food groups covered for a particularly unpleasant outcome.  For Noel.

I am told that the best way to see how much progress you have made is to indulge in the thing that you have avoided for some time.  Point taken.  This experiment works!

Friday 15 April 2011

Mushroom soup

Sometimes I make something that takes my breath away.  This was actually a group effort... Noel very much in on the assembly.

It is amazing what happens to flavours when you use the best possible ingredients.  Yesterday I received a load of miso from Harrewyn Organics.  It will most certainly hold a place of prominance in our shop.  Sweet white miso is not a common ingredient and OH my goodness it is delicious.

The base of the soup is so easy.  Avo, red onion, salt, pepper, hot water.  Blend.
This is the good part:  Punnet of Shitake mushrooms, sliced and tossed in  a quarter cup of olive oil.  Then take about a quarter cup of this sweet white miso and toss again.  Dehydrate for about three hours.  Add half the mushrooms into the bender and pulse.  Save the rest for the top and serve with sprouts. 

I was in rapture.  The whole process (excluding dehydrating) took us 10 minutes to assemble.

And now to get ready for my party.  Raw feasting and disco.  What more coud a girl want?

Tuesday 12 April 2011

So how's it going?

OK, so I'm sure you are wondering about my progress.  Well it has been a very interesting time for sure.

Firstly, have I maintained 100% raw?  No. More on this later.

So coffee is on the naughty chair with alcohol.  The change in my mood and behaviour over the past (almost) two weeks cannot be ignored.  Think 180 degrees.  If anyone is suffering from PMS, mood swings, anxiety etc, try and kick the coffee for only three days and see what happens. 

Apart from that I look much better.  My skin tone has returned, the wrinkles have gone.  Free face lift.  Just kick the coffee.

Which leads me onto triggers.  Triggers are the emeny.  They need to be hunted down and shot.  The way to deal with an enemy is to stalk it, trick it, make sure you know where it is and how strong it is.

I discovered a fantastic way to trick my enemy this week.

I was driving home on Sunday evening.  We had had a very busy few days.  Four catering assignments, two full days of workshops.  I was buggered.  As I was driving home (see, in my car), I started to dream of the Woolworths sandwhich bar.  I was hungry and feeling run down and the last thing I wanted to do was prepare more food.  So far we have the perfect environment for the trigger to win.  My mind started to wonder, at which point I caught myself thinking about what was going on.
A. I was tired.
B. I felt run down and achy.
C. I was hungry.
D. I was in my car so I could drive anywhere for something convenient.
E. I was vulnerable!  I started to make stuff up, like "I deserved it".

Thank goodness, Noel was right behind me.  He was following me home from the course and I knew that he would see me shoot off.  I have been very honest with him about my weaknesses, so he keeps an eye on me and helps me keep on track.  How was I going to explain a ham and cheese sandwhich to him?

I stopped my car.  What I really  wanted was a nice warm meal.

Steamed vegetables.  And I gave myself permission to eat potatoes.  That was it.  That was the trick.  I had something that I did want in return for something I didn't want.  It felt like win squared. All the head stuff disappeared.

So here's how it is for me.  I now plan my meals to include some steamed vegetables and I'm loving it.  I have some rice on the go for supper tonight which I'll eat with sauerkraut and a salad. I feel like I have connected with my food again, something which I definitely have no done for a while.


I'm drinking lots of tea and enjoying the new flavours I am discovering.  And of course I have a supply of Yerba Mate, which I really love!

Thursday 7 April 2011

That's what friends are for

I had another revelation yesterday.

I was chatting to an old friend about the social aspect of alcohol, you know, when you are the only one at the braai without a drink?

It is a pretty sad state of affairs that we feel the pressure to have a pretend drink in our hand just because other people will feel uncomfortable.  What a lot of nonsense to rag someone because they are having a glass of milk instead.  But this is common hey!  We have all experienced this.  And mmmm, I have definitely done it too! 

Why as a species do we sabatage the success of another?  I have seen it everywhere, more specifically in my places of work.  Someone is doing well, talk a bunch of crap about them.  Someone is promoted, feel jealous and undermine them.  Have we not grown up?  Carol reckons it's because we never weaned ourselves off milk.  We stayed juvenile in our bodies and therefore in our heads.  

So let me take this opportunity to thank you all for being so cool and supportive about the decisions I have made.  You see I forgot to put that in my list of reasons why I have succeeded.  You guys rock.  And I love you all.

Wednesday 6 April 2011

Goodbye 40

So today is the last day that I am forty.

It has been a brilliant year.

Launched a business, already profitable, have a great team, my relationship with Noel is styling, my relationships with my family rock and I have the best friends ever.

And my relationship with me?

Why do you think it is that we treat ourselves so badly when we wouldn't dream of, in a million years, treating anyone else that way.  Think about it.  If I spoke to Noel the way I speak to myself, we would have lasted about five minutes.

Enter Peter King.

Truly blessed am I that this man has arrived.  I can't think of a label that would do him justice, so we'll go with Life Coach, Inspirational Speaker, Motivational Something.  He's the "Look at your Life and Wake Up" guy.

Peter runs workshops that expose our behaviour patterns so that we can see them clearly and do something about them.  So I am on a course at the moment  that is focused on mental repeats, you know that stuff we say to ourselves over and over again, until we believe it?  My favourite "you are a delinquent", up there with "you are fat" and "you are an idiot".  But also "you are repulsive" and depending on what kind of day I've been having "how could anyone possibly love you".

Pretty grim.

This nonsense has been floating around in my head for years, these are the words Myself uses, when she is disapproving of my behaviour. 

Peter works with these patterns and shows us how to dismantle them and replace them with positive affirmations.

This is nothing new.  We all watched The Secret, we all know how the Law of Attraction works (in our heads anyway).  I have worked with this material for years, yet the chatter continued, the beliefs remained unchanged.  Why was I still stuck?

Until now.

I can feel a change has happened.  In only four days chatter has quietened.  I am not feeling those awful things about myself.  I have been given a plan of action, which I have stuck to, and OMG, it is really working.  Already!!!!

This is the very best gift I have given myself.  I have an action plan, not a mental plan, of what I need to do over the next 30 days to permenantly change how I think and therefore how I feel.  And therefore how I experience the rest of my life.

Bliss.

Isn't the timing interesting?  Goodbye coffee, bring on the greens, add into the mix some disciplined mental work and.......presto.

:o)

Monday 4 April 2011

Coffee, the trigger

I love coffee. I love coffee houses, especially the ones in book shops.  How cool,  lounging around in the middle of the day when millions of other people are at work. Drinking coffee, classical music, reading the newspaper... aahh.  Living the life!

Bummer when I discovered that coffee is my new trigger!

What is a trigger?  A trigger is the thing in one's life that starts a chain reaction of unusual, destructive and undesirable behaviour.



Let's go with undesirable for a moment.  I have noticed that when I leave home with personality A and go out for a coffee, I have flown back in on my broomstick with pesonality "Kak Attitude". 

If I start my day with a a green juice, smoothie or such, my day is generally full of fairly concious and sensible behaviour.
If I start my day with a coffee, it is generally not.

Coffee also messes with my food choices.

I like the feeling of having a light system.  So coffee for breakfast ticks a whole bunch of boxes for me.  Quick, easy, delicious, flying high, woohooo, just what everyone is looking for to start the day.  I then tend to launch full tilt into my activites for the day with great gusto, much like a dog being fed.  By lunch time I am crawling the walls, and here's the thing.  I'm almost always OUT!  So I head off to the nearest convenience shop which supplies my favourite snack.  Woolies sandwich bar.  I know I am not suppose to like pre-sliced white bread, but I LOVE it.  I buy two sandwiches and eat one while I am standing in the queue.

This is the beginning of the end.  Sometimes I even leave the queue to pick up something else like, I don't know, a custard slice.  That's for the car on the way home.

See what I mean about junkie mentality?  These are not the choices made by concious switched-on people.  This is addiction.  With an agenda!

We all need to find our triggers if we want to change behaviour (and by this I also mean choices around what we put into our bodies).  I thought I had dealt with that when I kicked the booze.  Not.  

You can imagine my resistance.  I LOVE my coffee.  MY coffee.  Such an attachment!  A 30 year relationship coming to an end? 

I was lying in bed this morning thinking about my life.  It is my birthday in  few days and I often contemplate around this time.  What percentage of my life have I already lived?  I hope it's only a third.  But if it is only a third, I need to make sure that this vessel can carry me around for another 80 years.  So me saying anything like "I could never give that up" is out of place now.

Mmmmmm.

Friday 1 April 2011

The glory of water

One of the first things I learned to do when I discovered raw food preparation was all the incredible things I could do with nuts.  Milk, cheese, cream, add to soup to make it creamy, add to curry to make it creamy.  And so on. 

Nuts were not something we had very much of when I was growing up (unless you count the bowl of roasted salted peanuts dad ate with his whiskey when he came home from work).  So here I was given the green light to go nuts on the nuts.  I went completely nuts.

Raw desserts are something quite incredible.  Those of you who have done "Elements of Health" with Superfoods, will know about the blueberry cheesecake, pancakes and cashew cream, strawberry ice-cream (frozen strawberries blended with cashews and honey).  The list goes on.

I would like to point something out here.

Has anyone ever tried to open a macadamia nut?  Even a hammer is no match for that shell.  If we could only buy nuts in shells, our recipe books would look somewhat different!

I think nature intended us to eat nuts with a dose of moderation.

I was reminded of this fact this morning.  

Jump out of bed. Walk the dogs.  Everything on track for a good start.  Hunger pangs are starting and I reach over for the first thing in front of me.  Nutty granola.  Eat a stack.  Hey, it's raw, go mad! 

Stomach ache.


So here is a much better way to start the day.

One litre of spring water.  Our bodies de-tox while we sleep and we wake up in an acidic state.  To give the system a good flush first thing is considered a life prolonging habit.  One litre is also a good amount as it means that you have put at least half your daily quota into your body already.  If you are anything like me, you probably won't drink much more water during the day unless reminded. 

You can also build up to this amount.  Start with half a litre if you need to.  This is easy to get down as we wake up thirsty already.   Wait for 20 minutes and drink another half.  You will soon see how easy it is to work up to drinking one litre.

The benefits are numerous.  If you want them all Call Carol, but here are some that I am aware of:
More energy
Less fatigued
Faster recovery when sick or injured
Better assimilation of food
Better digestion
Skin tone and texture will improve
Muscles will be looser
Aches and pains will not be as acute (I have experienced this specifically with lower back pain)
Better mood, less anxiety

Collect the best water you can find.  There is a spring in Newlands (Spring Crescent, off Kildare Close) where we collect our water.  It has a noticably sweet taste and is easy to drink. 

Here's the link :http://www.findaspring.com/newlands-spring-cape-town-south-africa/


Remember we are about 70% water, so it is worth paying special attention to this, perhaps even more so that what we are eating!

And people, slow down on the nuts. 

Thursday 31 March 2011

Are you a fool?

Tomorrow is one of my favourite days of the year.  April Fools.  Every year I prepare for it and every year I get caught.  Being extremely naive as well as gullible you can only imagine what I have believed to be true.  Hotel on top of Table Mountain.  I was outraged!

A few years ago, I was so determined not to be caught out yet again that I arranged an April Fool's prank with some of the community members of Berg-en-dal.  It included a herd of goats, a mattress and some homeless people.  Even though I had gone to great lengths to avoid being duped, the front page of the newspaper on that same day showed a photograph of a giant football that had knocked over a bridge.  I fell for it!

So here's the deal.  I am an acidic junkie.  I am starting treatment tomorrow.  I am switching to a 100% raw food diet for 90 days as I did before.  I am doing this with regular excercise, colonics and using the paraliminals daily.  I want to see whether addicition can in fact be treated with a raw food diet.

Keep you posted!

Be careful of acid!

Towards the end of last year I was blessed with a kidney stone.  After two sleepless nights and the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced (and I have been in labour too!), I went to Carol.  Surprise surpise..."Juice fast".
I have no medical aid.  Hospital was going to cost thousands.  But hey, I am living the life of "the body can sort itself out with the correct nutrition" so I put this to the test in a very real way.

Noel sprang into action, and within hours found us a getaway in Scarborough where we could conclude the last four days of our nine day green juice fast.

The short version, it worked.  The stone dissolved, I am cured.  I don't think there has been any permanent damage.  I felt fantastic and weighed in at 66kgs, a 20kg weight loss!!

Being new at this, and of course slightly arrogant about this miracle I had performed upon my body, I launched out of the fast with wreckless abandon.  

WARNING: Do not try this at home or without supervision.

The first few meals were consumed with careful consideration, chewing slowing, all that good stuff.  But it wasn't long before everything started to taste AMAZING!  Everything.  Even spirulina took on a whole new relationship with my taste buds.  And in true Nat style, I went from fasting to feasting overnight.  OK people, think of Ice Cream who I introduced you to earlier.  Spaghetti bolognaise, creme brulee, burgers, chips, coffee in every conceivable shape and size, chocolate (no not the lovely hand crafted chocolate from Gayleen), milktart, apple pie and ice cream, white bread, you name it I either craved it or ate it. 

A few weeks ago I stopped for a pie at one of the many places I scoped out.  I scoffed this thing in about two minutes flat, not a word of exaggeration.  When I looked up, one of my old school friends was standing next to me.  Her jaw had actually dropped.  She asked me when last I had eaten.  I was embarresed to admit it, but it had only been half an hour before that.  In the car.  Mid flight.  Bag of niknaks, gone in a flash.
It was at that point that I realised what was going on.  I was behaving like a full-blown addict again.  Sneak eating, zero awareness, zero responsibility and zero care.  What had happened?  I was doing so well. 

I spent a few days watching myself, stalking myself, picking up on the clues.  And it struck me.  My body chemistry had changed.  I had tipped back into an acidic body type.  And with it came all the things I expected to happen, with a few interesting add-ons.

Four months only and here is what I see:

I have put on weight.  TADA.
I sleep more and wake up less energised.
My skin has wrinkled and lost its glow.
I have spots!
My joints ache and I have become more stiff in my muscles.
I need a jump start in the morning, usually coffee.
I handle stress with far more emotion, usually tears, often shouting.
The knocks of life often knock me down.
I have become fearful.  I lock myself into my room at night when I am alone.
My digestion has slowed down.  I have to push when I go to the loo (Sorry, you wanted it this way).  Sometimes I need a magazine.
I am more on edge and less relaxed.
I feel less happy and the gratitude thing doesn't flow.
I have cravings for crazy food that I usually don't eat.  Cake comes to mind!

Myself, the bitch, has woken up.  Talking non-stop about what a loser I am.  Tempting me when I walk into shops.  Constantly taking me back into the past, guilt, regret, pity, on and on, never ending.  She is there when I go to sleep and there when I wake up.  The same thought over and over in an ever-shrinking demented dialogue.  Drumming up issues that I didn't have with people, but now do. 

I feel like a drunk again.  Without the alcohol.


The mouth is the gateway to all misery!

Addiction centres.  I have never checked myself into one, but I have had a few experiences, up close and personal.  If anyone has any stats on their success I would love to have them.

I can say two things about the centres I visited.  Everyone smokes and the food sucks.

Now I find this interesting.  As a councellor or centre manager, has no-one yet made the connection between the bullshit in the head and the bullshit in the stomach?  Perhaps all addicts need to do is juice fast for 30 days just to make sure that all their misery is not just candida gone mad.

No offence, but it could be that simple.

Wednesday 30 March 2011

The Circus of Life

Cirque du Soleil, loved it.  Eye candy at its best!!

So what am I doing here?  Why write a blog about myself and my journey?  I am undergoing an experiment about body chemistry and how it defines who we are, how we feel and what we can overcome. 

Two years ago I stopped drinking alcohol.  A bottle of wine per day (times 5 years) plus regular drinking before that (drunk the first time aged 14).  I have successfully remained alcohol free since then, and this is the good part, with zero battle.  Easiest thing I've ever had to quit.  No meetings, no councelling, no therapy, no medication and no fighting.  Nothing. And yes, I was most certainly was an alcoholic. 

I have spent the last two years pondering over this success and wondering why is was so easy.

I have a theory that I want to share.

I did a few things to ensure my success.
1.  No battle.  I refused to go into battle with myself.  Think about that for a second.  This may seem obvious but the ego is smart and can trick you into a fight... no battle.
2.  I found a paraliminal on stopping alcohol consumption and listened to it morning and evening.  EVERY day, morning and evening for 30 days.
3. I stopped smoking cigarettes at the same time.  Anyone out there who drinks and smokes will know beyond a shadow of doubt that these are the evil twins, and you do one with the other. Imagine, every time you light up, you think about having a drink.  What a glorious playground for that ego!  There is also a scientific reason why this is a good idea if you are freeing yourself from alcoholism.  Body chemistry.  When we smoke, we make our bodies acidic.  Same state as when we  are drinking, and it is a well known fact that nothing can be changed in the same state in which it was created.  Acidic body. 
4. I switched to a 100% raw diet over night for 90 days.  Same reasoning, alkilise the body.  The change will follow.

Anyone who knows me will vouch for the fact that I started changing within weeks.  The obvious things included:  I remember agreements made.  This is a big one because there is damage done in this area.  Alcoholics are good time friends but they are bloody unreliable.  I can now live in integrity which makes me feel good about myself.  My hair and skin begin to shine.  I am mildly vain, so this is also nice.  I start to loose weight!!!  Ha!  Easy as that.  And the kilos just slip off effortlessly. But the most important thing that happened to me was that bitch Myself went to sleep!  Oh she stirs every now and again, but just to have stretch and make sure we were still aware of her, but she is very much in my background.


I never expected to have this benefit, to silence that beast, to live without her in my face 24/7.   And I do believe that her silence was the key to my success.

Call Carol

I am sure I say "call Carol" more than I say any other thing.  Ever.

If Carol Shaw has recently experienced a sudden increase in her mail or phone calls, I am sure it must be because of me.  "Call Carol" can be used as an instuction, a verb or a an avoidance tactic.  Whenever a conversation drifts into murky waters, you'll hear me say it.


Carol will finish your sentence for you, give you your answer and your prescription all in one breath.  And without any pauses, even for some thinking.  She is fire, earth, air and water all rolled into one feisty bomb.

If you have any ailment which is peculiar and has a funny name, Carol will tell you what you are deficiant in.  But don't go looking for any sympathy.  Wrong person!  And be prepared to hear these words.... "Juice Fast".

Hahaha, and I've just thought of something.  While I lost a luggage allowance (as in kilograms lost), Carol lost the whole passenger!

Tuesday 29 March 2011

It's a brand new day

So why all the angst about someone seeing me?

People expect me to be a certain way.  And no, I am not making this up.

A few months ago I was standing in a queue at one of my favourite coffee shops.  In front of me was a bloke I had met at a raw food seminar.  Was he there for herbal tea??? NO, he was there for coffee!

When he turned around and saw me there it looked as though he wanted to disappear into his own pocket.  Once he had managed to deal with this embarressing situation, he then had to try and piece together why I was there.  This painful experience took all of two minutes but felt like a lenghty tooth extraction.

It made me realise how many assumptions people make about me, my lifestyle and my diet.

To run a RAW VEGAN company that sells and promotes only RAW and VEGAN products, I guess it would be a natural assumption that I am 100% this.

Drumroll........... I am not.

And people, I don't know what's wrong with you.  If you need to figure out why you have a chronic syndrome, I am not the right person to ask.

Call Carol!

Meet Jane

Yesterday I fell into a crevice of ribs, chips and fried onion rings.  I moved around in the restaurant a few times, eventually favouring a comfortable chair but risking sitting next to the window. What if someone saw me???

Of course someone saw me.  I saw the double take through the corner of my eye and started panicking, face full of sauce and stuffed with chips.  I chewed faster and faster, trying to swallow quickly so I could fall into apology the minute this person walked through the door.

Thank God.  It was Jane.

How lucky you are if you have a friend like Jane.  If I was charged with a heinous crime and sent to jail forever, Jane would be the one to forgive me first and visit me most.  So relieved I was when it was she who plonked herself down at my table with a big smile and spoke of the loveliness of taking oneself out for a meal.

The confession: my last few weeks have been plagued with binging and purging,
I can pour a packet of Niknaks into my mouth in almost one go,  I ordered not one, two pizzas and ate them both... and all the while I'm waiting for her face to change from that lovely smile into even a small crinkle of a frown.  Not Jane.  She is making those "mmmmmmm" sounds all the way through my confession, enjoying the taste with me as I reveal all.  How on earth can I wallow with this person???  Not possible.

I felt like a had had a download of therapy, a good dose of laughter and a reality check.
 
Now we have a deal.  She is my support buddy.  Whenever I have a urge to eat something ridiculous, I phone Jane.



If Jane let's me, I'll tell you more about her and her magic in another chapter.

Monday 28 March 2011

meet Ice Cream

Think "feeding frenzy".

and then there's Myself

Anyone who has ever crossed me will most certainly have met Myself.  She comes out when I am alone and doing nothing.  Her role is to seek out anyone who deserves my wrath and talk them into a corner until they are a messy pile of tears, revering in my great strength and completely enormous, out of control ego. Sometimes death is involved.

This ego is alive and well.  It is fed.  With thoughts, yes, but also with food.  And when this ego reaches a certain point, it tips...into Addict.


Addict is the self serving, self loathing, self centred part of Myself.  Addict believes that I, and only I, understand real pain and suffering, that no-one else could possibly have it this hard.  "No-one understands me, my life is so hard".  If you have said these words to yourself before, then you'll probably relate to this hideous Myself person.  She is a bitch and she has knives and she will most certainly inflict serious harm, almost always on Me.

Who's Me

Me, Nat, the person you all know, loves people, loves socialising, LOVES a dance floor.  When I'm up, you know.  When I'm down, you know too!  I am in love with a beautiful man, I have a wonderful family.  I have empowering relationships, my friends are leaders and experts, visionaries and dreamers.  I am surrounded by beauty.  I have a breathtaking garden and a warm comfortable home.  I am blessed and full of gratitude.

Why Ice Cream?

I am having an affair with food.   Like most affairs, they are secretive, destructive, full of sorries and remorse and intensely satisfying.... always a woeful cycle.

I was not born this way.  I remember having a healthy self image.  I rode horses and danced three or four times a week.  My mom cooked us wholesome suppers and I don't recall feeling hungry or ever feeling like I needed to diet or loose weight.  Everything was cool until I reached 14.

So what happens to us?  Why do we go through such dark times? 

This is my story. And how I medicated, first with alcohol and now food.